youwho.

"Teacher, smile more leh. You smile nice lo."

2012-01-30T23:52:00.003+08:00

Four weeks since I've started my internship at plmgss,

and it's been amazing,

never a dull week I'll say.

It's great spiritually,

to be able to praise the Lord every morning.

It's great experience,

in terms of work,

it feels real great to be back in such an office/work environment.

and well,

let's just say I've started wearing skirts.

IVE (kinda) FINALLY GOTTEN OVER THE WHOLE FEAR ISSUE.

hurrah!

The students are wonderful,

staff welfare is great,

& everything's pretty much cool.

(save for the very obstructing pillar behind me. haha)

I'm ever entertained by the amazingly interesting girls,

by the way they have excuses for just about everything,

by the way they try to cut up a tomato and squirm at its insides.

by the way they are always so very amazed at their final product.

Though they're much of a handful,

yet they're really an interesting bunch of cheerful students.

I'm really enjoying my time so much here,

man, I can't bear to leave.

Time, y u move so quick.

Alright,

'nuff for now.

back to work.

Have got lesson plans to complete!

2 Timothy 1:7

2012-01-30T23:43:00.001+08:00

We were made to be courageous
We were made to lead the way
We could be the generation
That finally breaks the chains
We were made to be courageous
We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines
Standing, unafraid
But now we're watchers on the sidelines
While our families slip away

Where are you, men of courage?
You were made for so much more
Let the pounding of our hearts cry
We will serve the Lord

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

This is our resolution
Our answer to the call
We will love our wives and children
We refuse to let them fall

We will reignite the passion
That we buried deep inside
May the watchers become warriors
Let the men of God arise

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

In the war of the mind
I will make my stand
In the battle of the heart
And the battle of the hand

We were made to be courageous
And we're taking back the fight
We were made to be courageous
And it starts with us tonight

The only way we'll ever stand
Is on our knees with lifted hands
Make us courageous
Lord, make us courageous

We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous

"Courageous" - Casting Crowns

Random thoughts that sneak into my mind.

2012-01-22T15:05:00.003+08:00

America's Next Top Model
American Dad
Body of Proof
Bones
Cold Case
Criminal Minds
Criminal Minds Suspect Behaviour
CSI
CSI : MIAMI
CSI : NY
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
Family Guy
Ghost Whisperer
Hawaii Five 0
Human Target
Junior Masterchef
Kitchen Nightmares
Law And Order: Criminal Intent
Masterchef
Masterchef Australia
NCIS
NCIS Los Angeles
New Girl
Person of Interest
Prime suspect
Project Accessory
Project Runway All Stars
Project Runway US
Pushing Daisies
Sherlock
Storage Wars
The Big Bang Theory
The Body Farm
The Cleveland show
The Finder
The Simpsons
Top Chef
Top Chef Just Desserts
Undercover Boss
White Collar

Woha, never knew I watched that many shows until I listed it out.

Disappointment.

2011-12-25T17:46:00.001+08:00

I've pretty much spent every Christmas I had alone.
Seems like it ain't no different this year.

/disappointed.

Songs were cried, not sang.

2011-12-22T23:27:00.004+08:00

Christmas's nearing.

Though it's supposed to be a really joyous period,

but I'm feeling pretty much bummed.

Partially cause Grandma's not 'round anymore,

and her passing would hang in the air at the family's celebration this year.

Though I'm not really sure if it's right to be deemed as a celebration,

kinda more gathering-ly like.

I'm rather on the fence to join this year,

on one hand, it'll be great to have family around,

to carol, play cards and enjoy great food, all as one.

But on the other, it'll kill my heart to feel everyone's pain.

The half-hidden speck of sadness on everyone's faces.

Everyone seems happy, yet not, all at the same time.

I'm not that sure that I'll be able to pull through

the killer wave of emotions once more.

It was bad enough at the Hospital.

With all the eyes so red and teary.

With all the faces, a Mask of Strength.

It was bad enough at the Wake.

With all the songs Cried, not sang.

With all the beautiful notes placed in Her hands.

It was bad enough at the Crematorium.

With all the flowers lining Her bed.

With all Wails echoing within in our heads.

It was bad enough after.

With all the lost and empty looks.

With all the strange quietness that hung.

And it's yet to heal till now.

I'm feeling pretty much alone this year end.

In all ways, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

Though this should not be so,

though this should not be so at all.

Lord guide me.

Vanilla & Lime.

2011-12-09T21:50:00.002+08:00

Though accompanied with a huge cup of vanilla ice-cream,

& watching the latest TopChef Texas,

I still feel lonely.

All my delight is in You Lord

2011-12-04T20:24:00.000+08:00

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored
When You call i won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

- None But Jesus

Meringue Ganache Meringue.

2011-10-27T02:26:00.003+08:00

Ps:
Someone get me macaroons plz,
from bakerzin or any other cool place.
I'm so craving for them right now.

Meh.

Pain threshold's close to zero.

2011-10-27T02:13:00.005+08:00

Things I really want to do, right now.

1. Bring Diana F+ set out for a walk
2. Bring Canon out for a walk
3. Clean up my room.
4. Re-kick-start my selling journal
5. Get outfit-prepared for SIP
6. Sew an ideal wallet
7. Go to places in Singapore I've never set foot upon.
8. Go down to kidzark to help the cute kids.
9. Eat
10. Sleep.

Well, all these would have to wait till this hectic month is over.
The last two's kinda vague, perhaps it should be this:

9. Eat a proper meal, like a full blown 7 dish meal (hur-hur).
10. Sleep for at least longer then I do now, My current 3hrs of sleep ain't enough.

It's 2.15am,
and I'm up doing paper patterns and designing my 2 runway looks.

Right then,
bye for now.
Time to get back to work.

Fighting all that's in my mind.

2011-08-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my eyes
And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free
You are free
You are free

"Set Me Free" - Casting Crowns.

Secret #2.

2011-07-14T22:12:00.003+08:00

Secret #2: Hugs.
I love hugs,
even if it's for a brief second.
even if it's a friendly-friend hug.

Cause,
it's the only time I feel that someone out there cares.
it's the only time I'm able to put aside my insecurities.
it's the only time I allow my walls to crumble.
it's the only time I'm able to smile from the inside.
it's the only time I feel safe.

Yeah,
I love hugs.

Everyday, We're so very near, yet so very, very far.

2011-07-05T22:54:00.005+08:00

I dreamt of you last night,
It felt so real I woke up believing it all.
A smile plastered across my face,
I felt so prepared to start the day.

Then reality kicked in,
and I realized it weren't so.
My mood tumbled down the meter,
my mind willing itself to re-enter the dream.

O' how I wish,
you'll know the pain I'm in.

Havin' to hide,
Havin' to ignore,
Havin' to pretend.

O' how I wish you'll know.

That you'll know
how much I do wanna talk with you.

I stand in the shadows.

2011-06-30T22:38:00.000+08:00

It's crowded in a worship today
As she slips in
Trying to fade into the faces
The girls' teasing laughter is carrying farther than they know
Farther than they know

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?

And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them
There is a way? There is a way?

A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat
And quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances tell him that his chances
Are better out on the road

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?

And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going
Why is His love not showing them
There is a way?

But Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ

But if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?

And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them
There is a way?

If we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching?
Why aren't His hands healing?
Why aren't His words teaching?

And if we are the body
Why aren't His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them
There is a way? As Jesus is the way

"If we are the body" - Casting Crowns

"if we are the body" - Casting Crowns.

2011-06-29T23:34:00.001+08:00

I wish I've never left,
All those years back.

Then at least coming back,
I wouldn't feel so outcasted.

It's so much harder to integrate now,
with everyone already having their own bunch.

The people I knew then,
not many are still around.

And those that are,
a sense of awkwardness looms.

Though we are one Body,
I feel strangely hanging at the cliff's edge.

Dear Lord,
Give me strength.

Dear Lord,
Tide me through.

"JieJieJasmine, sit with me."

2011-06-25T01:09:00.004+08:00

These two weeks sure have passed by quick.
I've been kept pretty busy by the little cute ones at North View Primary.
They're like,
the cutest energizer bunnies.
They've drained my energy each day,
but yet, it's given me great joy to have fun with them.

Being there,
I've met old friends and made new friends.
I've helped the kids with their homework,
washed their bleeding wounds,
comforting them when they cry,
telling them "DONT RUN DONT RUN"
handing out sweets,
playing badminton,
water games,
captian's ball,
soccer,
basketball,
dog & bone,
police & thief,
ice & freeze,
duck-duck-goose,
pepsi cola,
"vampire-vampire-vampire-ceh"

and not forgetting,
exchanging facebook email, (lol).

Yeah, they've got facebook.

I'll miss them pretty much once I'm back in school,
though I'm considering heading down on the days of which I end early on.

They're like,
little rays of sunshine among my dark and stormy days.

Pretty fun,
being around these kids.

They aren't a single bit fake.

Y U NO SEE, TT U'RE KILLING ME.

2011-06-10T07:38:00.004+08:00

All these pretense,
just makes no sense.

It's the last term test paper today,
though the term break doesn't seem like one with my given workload,
but I guess it's comforting to know that I'll be away from all the crude.

I've got citycomm volunteering during the first week
(yay, looking forward to that)
LSew to finish up
PBPN assignment
NLS assignment
CSAS assignment
Textiles research
pack up room + update selling journal.

Room #1.

2011-06-06T00:26:00.005+08:00

on a pretty random side note,

here's (half) my really messy room.

I so have pack it up after my term tests.

There's clothes/books/things, like, everywhere.

Man, sometimes I really do wonder how I sleep in this.

Well, at least my bed's comfy.

cushions & soft toys x100!

(ps: I'm not usually this messy, those are just clothes I'm selling off.)

HAHAHA.

Th' Pillars of insanity.

2011-06-05T23:56:00.004+08:00

School's being such a drag to handle.

These constant scrutiny I have to deal with,

are just so darn critical.

Wonder how long more would this facade keep up.

Or even,

if it'll ever end.

If you're reading this,

dear bully,

Your constant taunts and spikes,

does intrude my inner mind.

Your words laden with spite and sarcasm,

does poison my inner haven.

Guess all these'll make you grin with pride,

knowing that you've made me feel uptight.

What have I ever done,

I do not know.

'Cept, to not follow the status quo.

For why should I,

when I've got my own mind.

Of which stands firm.

Rooted in morals from within.

O' dear life in school.

Do bear with me.

Just three years more,

& I'll be free.

Free from your grasp of insanity.

1 night in Beijing, is certainly not enough.

2011-05-13T00:16:00.000+08:00

The Beijing/Tianjin GC 2011 exposure was certainly 7 days I'll never forget,

the fun we had on each bus trip,

the games we played in everyone's rooms each night,

the bond it created among all of us.

Though the seven days might seem short,

but it sure was the best time I've had,

with complete strangers turned friends.

Each day, was something new to be discovered.

Each picture, told a story of what can't be explained.

Each stop, left us memories to be reminded.

I'm glad,

after one year of school,

I'm finally feeling real true joy,

to be who I really am, & not get shot down for doing so.

Knowing that I'll head to school each day,

& perhaps bump into a few along the way.

A wave of hands, A cheery smile,

we'll stop to chat a little while.

To meet for lunch,

to meet for dinner,

to sit in lectures all together.

It brightens up my every day,

to finally have friends that wouldn't look away.

No lies, no fakes & no pretense,

Now these are really what I call my friends.

Love you awesome GC people, \m/

I realize, it was only just a dream.

2011-05-02T21:34:00.002+08:00

Call me slow,

but I just found my current background sound,

after a friend of mine told me to look for Sam Tsui.

"Just a Dream" by Nelly - Sam Tsui & Christina Grimmie

It's such a display of awesome vocals,

and Christina's so pretty.

Envy.

Thump.

2011-05-02T14:18:00.001+08:00

The rhythmic tempo in my heart fluctuates,

with each smile of yours,

with each touch of yours.

What are words, if you don't mean them when you say them.

2011-05-01T15:50:00.003+08:00

I wish,

for someone to be by my side.

To tell me that all will be fine,

that all will be over soon.

to cradle me in His arms,

and watch as the tears flee my eyes.

Dear heart, please start to work in harmony with my mind.

2011-04-30T22:15:00.003+08:00

The warmth of your breath.

The look in your eyes.

The strength of your mind.

They wore me down.

But I know I can't,

I know I can't.

Dear mind,

Desensitize my heart.

Why, just why.

2011-04-30T00:44:00.002+08:00

Why, are you this wonderful.

Why, is it impossible to be.

Why are the nice ones never truly good,

but yet the bad ones are always what they seem.

Isn't there,

someone?

For I am afraid.

2011-04-30T00:15:00.004+08:00

I didn't.

I didn't like it one bit.

For I am afraid,

far more afraid then back then.

For I am confused,

far more confused over the logic of it all.

For I am weak,

my heart and mind, so very, very weak.

someone,

pull me away.

someone,

wake me up.

2011-03-24T03:42:00.001+08:00

Tonight, I've turned on my left side to sleep.
The side where all my soft toys are.
The side I've not faced in months.

For this is the side I use to cry.
To brawl my eyes out only in the deepest of my hurts.
For this is the side,
Which muffles all sound escaping into the night air.

I never knew loving someone would be so tough.
Over a period of close to two whole years.

Tonight, I've turned on my left side to sleep.
The side where all my soft toys are.
The side I've not faced in months.

For this is the side I use to cry.
To brawl my eyes out only in the deepest of my hurts.
For this is the side,
Which muffles all sound escaping into the night air.

I never knew loving someone would be so tough.
Over a period of close to two whole years.

It hurts,
It hurts me so badly to hear and see you cry.
For I hurt,
So much more.

I hate myself for doing this,
I really do.

I do..

Oh sad side,
Cover my tears tonight.
Let this all be just some terrible dream,
Let me wake up soon.

Let me,
Please.

Maturity, at it's valley.

2011-03-11T21:55:00.003+08:00

Thy ain't no synthetic soul,

getting cohered into the rituals of pseudo camaraderie.

Carry on you,

be insecure.

Call me names,

throw me chains.

I stand strong,

beyond your understanding,

against your chants.

Fling,

fling your boomerang of words,

let it soar among the ears of those whom may listen.

I fret not,

for words would not pull me down.

for words of fictitiousness will not shake my ground.

Only those willing,

only those true,

only those whose hearts aren't brimmed with spite,

only those whose lips aren't glossed with artifice,

would then pass through.

I have walked through that gate,

years ago.

I've seen and dismissed the childishness within me,

for it serves no purpose,

it serves no purpose at all.

You say, mm?

2011-02-05T10:53:00.001+08:00

Cause when the roof caved in,
and truth came out,
I just didn't know what to do.

What did you say.

- Posted from my iPhone

2011-02-04T20:02:00.001+08:00

My fear handicaps me,
and i tremble at it's call.
My strength weakening
with each eye I meet.

Till now,
my fear, is something,
no one has understood.

I'm dying for someone to know,
for someone to save me,
to save me from this pit I'm in.

- Posted from my iPhone

2011-02-04T19:36:00.001+08:00

Chinese new year feels like crap this time round.
There's no festive cheer,
it all feels so.. false.

I want to go home,
and burry into my covers.

Somebody,
save me.

- Posted from my iPhone

Floodgates.

2011-01-29T03:18:00.001+08:00

At certain times,
I'm glad darkness embraces me.

As it'll be the only one,
The only one patient enough to watch as tears tremble down.
The only one to not walk away.

It'll see me through,
Shield all prying eyes,
Ask no questions,
And yet be by me.

Dear darkness,
do spend a little longer around me.
Hear my feelings,
My emotions,
My daily troubles.
And sit by me, won't you.
As I let loose my floodgates,
Sending waves of turmoil through my eyes.

Dear darkness,
Stay by me.

Don't walk away like everyone else.

- Posted from my iPhone

2011-01-25T03:12:00.001+08:00

With my nose sniffling away,
I trudge my feet across a mountain of slush.
Placing my hand at the point,
Just before I flip,
I glance around,
Taking in all that's around me.
With route etched in mind,
I trigger the switch and hurry back,
Jumping into springy comfort.

It's 3am.
I've finished my leadership assignment.

O' gnight world,
See you at 6.30am later.

- Posted from my iPhone

I CANT WAIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS #1

2011-01-24T21:45:00.002+08:00

What I would do on the first day of my holiday:

Clean out my closet and try on every single item I have inside.

parading in each piece for at least 5 minutes,

before I actually decide if I should keep it.

I think that'll keep me busy all day,

let see..

(visualizes overcrowded wardrobe)

yeah, it'll keep me busy.

ENT pains.

2011-01-23T09:10:00.001+08:00

Dear nose and throat,

Why can't you two work in harmony with the rest of my body.

How do you know, he loves you.

2011-01-08T20:51:00.002+08:00

Enchanted's on TV again,

I first watched it at your place.

Brings back a little dash of memories.

Sigh.

2011-01-02T11:15:00.002+08:00

Doesn't feel like a new year at all,

doesn't feel like the last year's.

I still do.

2011-01-02T00:25:00.001+08:00

I still do,
I still do.

Even though it's been awhile,
I still do.

- Posted from my iPhone

A whole new world, tumbling, fumbling.

2010-12-22T23:51:00.004+08:00

It hurts,

not having someone who knows you that well be by you.

For me to move into an environment of uncertainty,

takes a great toll out of my limits.

An environment so new,

every step I take, I u-turn instead.

An environment so fresh,

every breath I take, clouds my positive thoughts.

It's a whole new world,

& I'm tumbling.

My palms fumble along the fissure of these dark walls,

in hope of finding some old among the new.

I hope I ain't too late,

before I succumb to the scarcity of air.

Before the seals close shut,

fencing me in.

Inside a place,

destitute of light, & happiness.

Wish I could trade this life for something new.

2010-12-22T02:55:00.000+08:00

It's tough,
going through each day.

Having to wake up,
and realize all 'round me's naught.

I sit and cry for a whole full minute,
before putting on a facade of joy.

I stumble 'long, as the day goes by,
wondering when it'll all be fine.

Wounds all over,
unable to heal without a smoothing voice.

Bruises all 'round,
refusing to clear without a gentle hand.

Occasionally, I'm able to feel devoid.
Devoid of all emotion, and things round me.

I'm afraid of the dark,
the darkness closing around me.

Enclosing me in it's cavity,
with no prospects in view.

It's Christmas soon,
and tho I'm looking forward to the family gathering,
my heartstrings tug constantly at the fact that this year,
it isn't what it was then.

Much have changed.
A year, its sure been long.

We've been through so much.

The happy times and big smiles we had,
all seem so far back.

This Christmas,
I wish I could feel as joyful as the last.

This Christmas,
I wish to smile again.

- Posted from my iPhone

When I feel, all alone.

2010-12-18T01:03:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I do feel alone,

though there are people around me.

Wish things could be better.

ItzOVARRR.

2010-12-15T10:35:00.000+08:00

Yesssszzzzz.
My term tests are ovar!

I have my life back!

Only for this week though,
Before the onslaught of my projects catches up on me.

But still, it's finally ovar!

- Posted from my iPhone

& just so you know, you'll never be alone. Cause I'll always be here.

2010-12-13T16:04:00.003+08:00

Was in dad's car this morning,

and I came across things on playing on the radio.

Rather cool, and catchy.

Crash and Burn - Savage Garden

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned it's back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face they day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breath again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Two bowls of prawn mee.

2010-12-11T02:15:00.006+08:00

It hurts,

to be alone on a friday night.

No laughter,

no talking.

No morning fuss of getting you out of bed,

a process I've always secretly enjoyed,

giggling inwardly at your morning daze.

I'm lost in a boggle of tears,

nearly drowning in them.

I'm managing to stay afloat,

barely.

Trust me won't you,

to help you along.

Trust me won't you,

Things would get better in time.

I know, I just do.

I want a hug..

2010-12-09T07:58:00.001+08:00

Woke up crying,
running a fever with a bad throat
If feels as though I've ingested the work's supply of fishbones.
If feels as though I've been stuck in the cooler, shivering beyond my body's limits.

Why O'body,
must you fail me now.

Now of all times.

My heart's as weak and hurt as it is.
O'body, why you too.

- Posted from my iPhone

Love, I want. Company, I need.

2010-12-09T00:11:00.001+08:00

When people love,
One's surrounded by them.
When people don't love,
One feels alone.

I feel unloved,
I feel alone.

I wish I could feel loved.
I wish I could feel surrounded.

- Posted from my iPhone

But in the end it's distant shadows that finally overwhelm my senses.

2010-12-06T22:53:00.002+08:00

Peaches, by New Heights

You say good morning, and good evening

The day is done, and you've come to find

The words are fleeting, I hear your quiet breathing

Is something wrong?

You come on two knees, with more than two needs

Finding that it's all too easy

To be helped and found

You slept and he said

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, to find your way home

Daylight's coming, the sun is blazing

New beginnings seep into you

But in the end it's distant shadows

That finally overwhelm your senses

And this time around

Is it love that you crown?

And this time around

You'll be more than who you are

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, to find your way home

Whoa oh oh oh...

Could you find yourself a way home? (4x)

It is in you, to carry on

It is in you, (ohh) to lay down fears that hold

It is in you, (ohh) to find your way home

(Sick)le cell.

2010-12-06T22:29:00.002+08:00

Though my term tests are like,

a week more,

it seems like my gears aren't even willing to start.

My body's so dead tired,

having to end school at seven almost everyday.

I end up trudging back home,

plopping my bag down,

and sink my butt into the nearest soft spot.

My whole self refusing my every will to budge.

What's more,

being weighed down by all my emotional turmoil,

things don't look insanely awesome on my side of the grass plains.

I do hope that things would turn bright soon,

for you,

for me,

for all those around thee.

I'm having a terrible headache,

grh.

Unicorn.

2010-12-05T16:42:00.002+08:00

Effin' random,

but I want a pet unicorn to cheer me up.

f' my hormones,

be stable you miniscule things.

The faulty Carousel of my heart.

2010-12-05T15:59:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I do wonder,

how much you actually do care.

Sometimes I do wonder,

how much more of this pain can I actually take.

Your nonchalant behavior drives my tears,

Yet when you're around they dry up.

What carousel am I on,

it's a first I've been.

To be on horses that go up,

to be on horses that go down.

All at the same time,

they still go 'round.

Wouldn't the machinery stop,

wouldn't the mechanics spot a fault.

Do I really have to go 'round,

each and every time.

2010-11-30T13:53:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when words aren't put right,
You hurt others.

I was hurt by your words,
Your words of spite and pride.

Do learn girl,
That everything in the world doesn't bend in your asile.

You hurting others,
Just for your pride.

- Posted from my iPhone

For Christmas.

2010-11-28T18:27:00.002+08:00

For Christmas.

For Christmas, I would want so many things.

For Christmas.

For Christmas,

I would want an Instax Mini in Chocolate.

Yeah, it's another camera, I know.

But at least I'm able to keep the prints properly,

somewhere in a folder,

or plastered all over my wall.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

For Christmas,

I want a year's supply of ikea's piping hot meatballs.

Served with their jam and sauce,

not forgetting the potatoes.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

For Christmas,

I'll want to get gifts for ALL my friends.

Those closest to me,

and to those whom I've just met.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

For Christmas,

I want a smile plastered across my loved one's faces.

To see their Joy on that really cool day.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

For Christmas,

I wish my dad would join us for the family gathering,

caroling along with us.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

For Christmas,

I'll like all to be genuinely happy,

even if it's for a day.

For Christmas, I'll like that.

Though Christmas is, say, a month away.

I still so hope it'll move a little quicker to that date.

For Christmas, I'll like these.

Phone?

2010-11-22T21:44:00.001+08:00

I wait for your call,

gripping my phone each time it buzzes.

Ikea meatballs?

2010-11-21T15:11:00.001+08:00

I have got this sudden craving for Ikea Meatballs and Chicken Wings.

Insanely hungry, am I now.

Urgh.

I'm just, a little sad. A little.

2010-11-17T18:12:00.002+08:00

Fingers intwined,

Words previously unspoken.

We gazed up high,

in full knowledge of what we'd spoken.

I won't admit,

that I do like what was said,

I won't deny,

that I don't feel a little glad.

Though it'll be different,

in terms of many ways more then one.

But as promised,

I'll be here for you.

Likewise, vice versa.

Sticks and stones won't break my bones, but Lies would f'ever hurt me.

2010-11-15T21:57:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling strangely lonely all of a sudden.

I'm just sitting at home.

With no one to smile with,

with no one to talk with,

with no one to laugh with.

O' quite a heartache I'm having,

with a gaping hole at where you last stand.

Someone talk to me.

I Love, the Language of Love.

2010-11-14T21:08:00.005+08:00

Love Language,

a short, but none the less, touching, clip by Jubilee Project.

An absolute heartwarming clip to the core which is now circulating the social sites,

aiming to touch the hearts and souls out there,

bringing in contributions to the American Society for Deaf Children.

Targeted at the ones who treasure pure Love,

(who doesn't anyway, it's all our weakest point.)

the clip shows that Love can overcome all boundaries.

Including one that requires our senses.

I teared at the end,

as the male lead struck the depths of my heart,

"You're still beautiful."

He wrote.

And I believe so,

for everyone's beautiful in their own way,

regardless of whatever one can, or can't do,

regardless of what one's likes, or dislikes.

Our abilities are only part and parcel of our appearance,

but it'll never get the chance to change who we really are inside.

Our character and personality are what defines us,

and that's what creates the beauty in below our layers,

allowing then to shine out from the cracks of our appearance.

Only someone with true intentions,

would be able to see into the other party's cracks.

Loving them for who they are inside,

looking past the fears of the outside world.

It is in us,

to carry on.

It is in us,

to lay our fears that hold.

It is in us,

to find our way home.

The simplest of simple clips,

yet it has the ability to touch each one of us,

on many of our deepest levels.

A worthy clip indeed,

to stay etched in my mind.

I Love, the unspoken and universal language of Love.

Link to the video can be found below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyB_U9vn6Wk

Peaches, by New Heights:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bx4nxjKTrYc

Salmon sashimi and soft shelled crabs.

2010-11-14T20:05:00.004+08:00

I'm trapped in my fantasy,

squirming in much agony.

I've not eaten naught today,

and I doubt I'll be eating anyway.

I've been glancing at my phone,

in hope that it'll ring the little message tone.

An hour passed,

two more,

three more,

six, twelve, fifteen..

eighteen more.

I miss your tastebuds,

I miss our breakfast/lunch/dinners,

the fun we'll have when we eat together.

the 'this-is-awesome' face you've got when we see salmon,

the smell and cravings we had for the chicken rice stall.

the fun we'll have at nihonmura, when we ordered way more then others.

But yet strangely, we're able to finish them all.

I've still got cool places I've yet to bring you to.

Cool places where I'll want to bring you,

just so I can see your face light up,

as you tell be 'bout stuff.

I want to secretly slip food into your bowl,

a feat I'll always catch you doing,

but somehow you'll never notice me.

I want to hug you like a kola again,

just like how on friday nights I'm afraid to go pee,

you just open your door, going, "follow me"

We'll then walk like penguins to the toilet,

where you'll threaten to off the light while I'm inside.

I'll mostprobly now tell you that I'm hungry,

then we'll have coco crunch or some weird noodle,

while we sit at the dining table,

trying to make the least noise,

in case we wake someone up.

I miss the days,

I miss the nights.

But most of all,

I miss having you near my heart.

We smiled with our hands, and gestured with our eyes.

2010-11-14T09:51:00.004+08:00

Each morning I've got to try my best,

to subdue to pain roaring in my heart.

Today morning, I'd to try even harder,

to cull the pain trashing in my heart.

For Sundays were always a day of fun,

and the family dinner afterward.

A whole day together,

and we laughed, and we talked.

smiling with our hands,

gesturing with our eyes.

nudging with our eyebrows,

gesturing with our feet.

Each knowing really well,

what we both meant.

Each knowing really well,

what we both wanted.

I sit in a daze,

and retrieve the images.

one by one,

they come back.

To bring more spasms,

to my aching heart.

O' heart,

won't you stop trembling.

O', heart,

won't you stop hurting.

You, my crutches of strength, pillar of reliance.

2010-11-13T06:53:00.005+08:00

I used to cry only when something went wrong in life.

Now I'm just crying all the time.

Every morning, 5 minutes after I'm awake.

Every toilet break I take, alone in the cubicle.

Every night before I sleep, once I'm u'neath my covers.

I cry where no one can see me.

I cry just all the time.

I've put in so much,

just a tad more,

and it'd been my all.

Perhaps it was my wronging,

to input so much, when at the end of the day,

to you it was all nothing.

Perhaps I trusted too much,

to such a point that if I were the disabled,

you were my crutch.

Perhaps I'd cared and fussed excessively,

to a degree of what I can't phantom,

and you became unhappy.

You were what life was 'bout,

the fun,

the joy,

the laughter,

the companionship.

I am the disabled,

take away my crutches and I fall.

take away my crutches and I crumble.

take away my crutches and I heave in tears.

For there's 'naught now that I can rely on,

for there's 'naught now that I can seek,

for there's 'naught now that I can love.

For there's naught now that I seem to live for.

Seconds turn minutes,

minutes turn hours,

hours turn days.

It just all seems so mundane.

I don't seem to have a life.

Home, School, Home.

It all just makes no sense.

Wish things weren't as they are now.

Wish I still had you by my side.

Wish this all would just condense,

and disperse into tiny droplets,

then evaporate into the vapour,

never to be heard/seen of again.

I wish.

I'm like a ship without it's anchor,

unable to dock,

unable to settle,

equipped just with sufficient fuel,

to move 'round,

and round.

I miss you,

I so do.

Friday/Saturday.

2010-11-13T00:16:00.002+08:00

It's Friday/Saturday again.

Wish I chose to stay over,

so I could watch and wait till you jerk/twitch in mid-sleep,

before I close my own eyes and drift off.

It was like a reassuring thing to me,

to know that you're finally asleep,

safe, sound and resting.

I miss Fridays.

I wish I had someone to talk with.

2010-11-12T20:40:00.003+08:00

I wish I had someone to talk with,

cause I'm feeling so alone right now, of all times.